Thoughts on planes and fear.
How I got over one of my biggest fears and why a flight attendant made me cry.
I used to be terrified of flying. terrified. If you’ve flown with me before, you already know this. I’ve probably gripped your hand so tightly it was drained of color and cried into your shoulder during typical, uninteresting turbulence.
I have so many memories from my adult life of awful flight experiences and how I tried desperately to make the treks more bearable…
…that time I had a bad reaction to sleeping pills on a flight from Peru and cried into my friend Bruce’s shoulder (we had just met a week before)…
…or, how after a conference in Florida, my friend Amelia almost walked off the plane with me when the flight attendant announced, “Buckle up, this one’s gonna be bumpy.” (She got me a shot of whiskey instead)…
…or, that time I was taking off on a tiny plane with Brandon, my head between my knees whispering prayers of deliverance when a woman beside me asked, “Is takeoff hard for her?”. “It’s all hard for her.” he whispered back.
For most of my adult life, the fear has felt crippling. It creeps up when I book my flights, when I start packing for a trip, and is full tilt when I make it through airport security.
I’ve read the statistics; I know that it’s logically very safe. But, in my body, every bump and reminder that I’m high in the air is a reminder that life is fragile and that I’m not in control.
But a year ago, everything changed.
I was flying across the country to Los Angeles for a very important meeting. In fact, this meeting would change my business’s trajectory for the entire year. Before I left, I made new rules for flying. I thought, What if I didn’t just have to endure this mode of transportation? What if I grew to LOVE it?
It seemed so silly, to imagine that I could reverse a fear that had been present for decades and that I had tried to medicate and therapize.
But I figured I had nothing to lose (except the crippling fear), and I made new rules for myself.
No numbing: Instead of taking shots at 8 AM before boarding an all-day flight, I decided I would not self-medicate anymore.
Treats + Happy Distractions (AKA New Numbing): I told myself that any time I went into an airport, I could buy a delicious coffee and a fun book to read.
Work: It sounds counterintuitive, but I realized that working on a plane was actually helpful. If I came onto the plane with an agenda of things to write and accomplish, I saw the time as precious and purposeful. Zoning out to movies never worked for me.
People: I promised to make friends (when possible) and learn about people’s stories. Since my trip last year, I’ve befriended a marketing manager, a mom of three, an ex-military dad who wants to be a writer, and countless others who shared airspace with me.
It’s been a year and I can honestly say that I am no longer afraid of flying. My experiment worked.
Last week, I flew to Los Angeles again, and it was a full-circle moment for me. One year of more flying than ever and zero panic attacks.
On the way back from my trip, we had the best flight attendant. I love a good standup routine baked into the safety precautions speech, and this particular woman was killing it.
Towards the end of the flight, she got on the microphone and asked us all to pull down our shades prior to landing. Then, she invited everyone to turn on their overhead reading lights. The plane was lit up beautifully, and she called on (SURPRISE!!!!) a 13-year-old who was celebrating a birthday. We all sang happy birthday to her, and when she “blew out the candles,” we turned off our lights. She got to wear a Southwest paper crown for the rest of the trip.
I teared up—I couldn’t help it! I was in awe that the flight attendant could take a mundane plane ride and turn it into a fun, connective, and memorable experience for this girl.
Humans can be so amazing.
I wonder how many moments I missed in the past because I was too focused on my own fear, on my own heart rate.
It was a helpful reminder to not let fear keep me from experiencing the beauty of shared human experience.
Inspiration
🎧 My brother is writing a novel, and I got to read it on the plane ride last week. Friends, it’s so. good. I’ll keep you posted as it develops!
🎧 The Association for Popular Music Education conference was just the best. Seeing friends, authors, and colleagues was just what my soul needed.
Creative
🌟 Following an intensely crazy release month, I’m excited to dig into some more quiet work. This includes finishing my book for Oxford University Press, working on my first novel, and recording an album this week.
🌟 I’m also playing a house show next Saturday with limited capacity! If you want in, email me and I’ll send you the deets.
Thanks for subscribing and reading. I hope you get to watch someone blow out the candles.
Connect with my work elsewhere:
🎧 listen to my podcast with Kimberly McGlonn
💻 Order my children’s book, Rosie Rocks!
📚 visit my fair-pay publishing company, F-flat Books.
🎤 get songwriting support through Songwriting for M.E.