Thoughts on revisions.
How a hidden gift from my grandfather reminded me that it's never too late to start something new, and we can always try again.
We cleaned out my childhood home this past week. I did a good job saying “goodbye” to things that are no longer serving me (like photos from high school that made me glad Instagram didn’t exist when I was 15).
But, it’s harder to say goodbye to things that have stayed in the family for years.
We filled up an entire dumpster and dozens of boxes for donation. Brandon and I snagged some gems for our house that felt right: wooden spoons, an old baseball bat, a boomerang from Australia, and some board games.
And then, we stumbled upon my grandfather’s collection of paintings.
My Pipa was never a professional artist. In fact, I can’t remember him doing a single “creative” thing before he started painting.
When I was 9, his wife (my Mima) suddenly passed away. It was abrupt and tragic. My dad was an only child, and I remember that time so vividly- watching my grandfather mourn his wife and try to pick up the pieces of his life. They had dreams of traveling the country together during retirement. They even bought a van to be their home on wheels, but the trips never happened.
Not only did he lose his partner, but he received a Parkinson’s diagnosis just a few years after that. What started as some tremors and mild symptoms turned into full-body shakes and the inability to stand upright. Over the course of my adolescence, I watched him deteriorate physically.
One bright spot came from his diagnosis. He started painting.
At first, he used house paint to re-create Christmas cards on discarded pieces of wood. Slowly, he started expanding his repertoire to include animals, scenery (with some success!), and even people (with questionable success 😂.)
I don’t know what compelled him to start creating when he got sick. I wish I had the thought to ask him when I was 18, but it never crossed my mind. One day, he wasn’t a painter, and one day, he was. It was so strange; when he wasn’t painting, he could barely button his shirt, and his hand shook so violently.
But when he picked up his paintbrush, his body stilled. He moved with intention and precision.
On Saturday, we found his entire portfolio of unfinished and unframed paintings.
It was incredible to look through them as a family. Some were hilariously bad (“Is that a lion on fire?”), and some were captivating, like the hummingbird above.
I had to laugh at this pair of paintings in his portfolio.
This is my grandfather and his girlfriend, Eleanor. They started dating after they lost both of their spouses.
The left painting was his first attempt. You can see the gridlines on the page and the paint is so thick, marking the places where he tried over and over again to perfect his facial features.
The right painting was his finished attempt. You can see his subtle adjustments. Sadly, Eleanor looks a little worse for wear. But, he discovered something new in this adjusted self-portrait. His eyes- his smile- it’s my Pipa.
Looking at these attempts, I can’t help but reflect on how bad I am at trying again. I usually settle for “good enough” in so much of my work and shy away from critique, in getting up and making it stronger, better…in learning how to capture that thing I’m searching for, and knowing that time revising will be time well spent. Can you relate?
In the fall of 2004, my Pipa passed away.
I had been visiting his nursing home regularly, playing mini-concerts for him in the common area while he napped in a nearby chair. He decided that we should put on a show together that fall. He’d display his paintings (he had dozens upon dozens framed at that point), and I would perform music.
We set the date and got to work.
Sadly, Pipa died just a few months before our show. I decided to move ahead with the event and turn it into a concert honoring his life and memory. I played his favorite pieces and we had a gallery display of all of his art.
We set up a table with photos of him along with a newspaper article that had come out earlier that year- an article that praised his resilience and ability to embrace creativity, even in the depths of a debilitating illness.
Thanks to this past weekend’s cleanout, we now have a dozen of our own Pipa paintings- from Arizona landscapes to portraits of me and my siblings (where our eye color is most definitely not accurate).
Now, we just have to find the right place in our house for our own gallery, a reminder of the importance of trying new things and being a human in process.
Inspiration
On Saturday, I saw Tiny Habits in concert, and it was incredibly inspiring. Their harmonies are so tight, and they make it feel effortless.
I started two new songs today, and I know they’re the result of the seeds that were planted at that show.
I just finished R. Eric Thomas’s latest book, and it had me laughing, crying, and everything in between. This is a must-read for storytellers and creatives.
Creative
🌟 I’ve been knee-deep in all things publishing the past few weeks. I’ve started digging into a book on releasing music that’s due in early June. There are many thousands of words left to write, and it’s time to get serious! 🙃
🌟 My publishing company is entering its sixth (!!!) publishing season. Yesterday, I met with our board members to select which projects we’ll green-light for the coming year. There are so. many. good. books. coming out and I can’t believe I get to be part of bringing these projects into the world.
🌟 My Rosie Rocks! release is chugging along. I just received my first two editorial reviews, which felt simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating. This week we’ll be filming some promo videos and setting up my personal website to start the heavy promotional period. Much of this is new for me, and I need to “be like Pipa” and be ok with being a beginner.
Thanks for subscribing and reading. I hope your week is full of trying new things, and trying again when it doesn’t come as easily as you’d like.
Connect with my work elsewhere:
🎧 listen to my podcast with Kimberly McGlonn
📚 visit my fair-pay publishing company, F-flat Books
🎤 get songwriting support through Songwriting for M.E.